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Friday, 13 October 2017

Good Listener


Anyone has any tips on how to become a good listener? 'Cause I've had enough of feeling shitty 'cause I'm a terrible listener. Idk man, I can count with my lubang hidung(exaggeration on how sikit the  number of them) already how many times ppl come and told me about their problems and every time I feel like I've responded terribly awful and maybe hurt their feelings some more. I feel like a piece of ****. I always bottle up my real feelings because I don't have the freaking courage to open up, so i really respect those who are able to do so. However, my incapability of listening and responding in an appropriate manner make me hate myself even more. I just wanna say sorry. Yknow it sucks when the conversation already ended like few hours or maybe weeks ago but you're haunted by guilty that sometimes you can't help yourself because you feel like it's already too late to fix everything. And then you overthink. The flashbacks of you getting ignored, told bad things, backbitten by others are wildly attacking your mind.

Sometimes I think I'm an introvert because I don't really have any best friends, I mean I can't have any. I'm incapable of having any best friends because I'm too scared to get attached. I can't deny the jealousy whenever I see a squad of girls doing things together but nope, that's just something that won't occur to me. Some ppl can't believe it when I said, "I think maybe I'm an introvert". But hey, I don't know myself either. There are times that I can become so friendly to strangers but there are also times that I can't even look around me 'cause I'm too scared if I accidentally locked my eyes with strangers'.

I'm sorry for being me.